so i have been told that my family is very dissapointed in me. i don't know what of though. i 've been hanging with my friends more than my family. My friends are my family to me .There the ones that actually do get me and don't judge me for who i am .i do bwelive my family don't accept me for who i am. But though I am known for putting thoughts that aren't true in my head. There not happy thoughts either. i've been doing this as long as i remember. It's hard to stop it. when i get mad/random breakdowns/normal breakdowns/or just depressed. i think thoughts that i belive are true. Ex: i use to think my mom didn't love me and that she always abandoned me at nights because she didn't wantto be around me.Deep sad stuff like that. I know my ffriends are always there for me. i never told my family of what i tried to do and what i've done. I only trust my friends with that stuff. i'm scared that my family would go out and tell people even if i said not to. Even if i said it's a deep dark secret that i don't want any body else to know. i think they woiuld tell. i also do believe they don't care how i feel about it. i don't think they care if they hurt me really.just pretend to i guess. Like if they told a deep secret and know that i don't want them to and also know how that will affect me but say something anyway that they won't care.I learned to not tell my mom things either. she has a big mouth. One reason I'm afriad to tell. I don't know how much they "gossip".Like if i ever told them I've had cut myself and that i was thinking about commiting sucide(almost did actually) They would flip and tell. It's just safer to keep it a secret. Only like 3 or 4 friends know and well there like my sisters to me. i really don't care if my family is dissapointed in me and worried about me. i really don't know why though. It gets me pissed that their worried for me. i'm not going to change for them!!i like who i am so i'm staying this way!!! Do they think i'm going to hell or something! well I know i''m not!! they think i'm doing DEVIL WORSHIPING!!!!! It's not devilworshiping!! Yes i'm Wiccan and proud!!!! my mom told me that it's devil worshiping and that the spirits i know are fake.She told me that i have to forget about them and i agreed ...just to stop the fighting. i won't. knowing my mom's big mouth she told my family know they think i'm crazy.of course. one reason why I'm sooo nervous on telling at least one person in my family that I'm bi. That if i just want one to know. i'm afriad that person would tell someone else then continue on the chain. only one of my friends know and she's completly cool with it. My best friend. i have to watch who i tell though. i don't want to freak people out.The truth is i don't know how some of my friends will respond.i dunno. That makes me extremely nervous...peoples reaction. before i wasn't for sure if i was. Know i definitly know...I AM BISEXUAL!! YAY RAINBOWS!! I LIKE MY RAINBOWS!!!!LOL But well..... i do like them.My friends makes me happy all the time!! i'm happier when i'm with my friends than my family. i know. it' should be the other way around. i guess it's because their more fun to be around and they don't judge me and actually accept me and their not faking that they do .they actually get me also. this is how i feel and i can't change it. no one can change how tyhey feel.. it's impossible to to. They just have to accept my feelings.and if not well that sucks i'm not changing my feelings for them. not worth to change myself over.
